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Friday, December 6, 2013

My take on December. (at least, the days I've had of it..)

Hello there.

 Remember those face morphs I used to devote my life to , since I was 14? I have it compiled here; They have an internet term for it now, (okay not NOW, been sometime) and it's called 'facemath'. It's all over the internet, hence making my originals much less special to look at that I just gave up.

 F.Y.I --I swear I did not steal their idea, It was just something I've always done then suddenly everyone got the same idea months later.. Too bad I removed all my dated older posts so there is no such thing as proof.

Christmas is soon approaching, and the hype is prevalent in everyone , christian or not. Just enter a mall...


If you dont know that one you haven't been to much malls recently or you've been to one that only knows how to play 'Jingle Bells' and other boring loops. The decorations, music and atmosphere is enough to move someone taking it really seriously.

Not surprisingly, the same cannot be said for me. The Christmas magic vanished roughly 4 to 5 years ago for me. I used to feel like the only one in my household who takes it so seriously and joyfully. Then everyone's negative energy rubbed onto me and it has stuck ever since.

Last time I could write about so much for pretty much nothing eventful going on. (Ah, how I love reading my early teen journals. They are something I would take with me till I'm old and withered.) Now there are so many eventful personality/character building things taking place and I have none of those documented.

It seems like I remember to come back to this blog and feel like there's much to write about when I am sad about something. So the posts would look emo. That is an incorrect reflection of who I am. 

Thursday, 5.12.13 was the first day of 'Law of Tort', since AS levels exams ended. Came in with the spirit to learn, especially since getting the new book today--buuuut the energy died out an hour and a half later. One can only have that much focus when sitting close to the last row of a class of 400++ people.

Other brief updates:

Got addicted to virtual scrabble, then got over it only to enter the clasp of the Candy Crush demon which managed to escape me for all these years. Always thought it was a stupid game.


Got my nose pierced on Sunday (1.12.13). Does not hurt like I expected it to. Makes me look more matang, kot. 

I fully healed from a series of purging and vomitting which has been happening for the past 3 days, today. I dont think I have felt that sick in those past three days for this year.

I have been crying so much more. I know that it's healthy for the body. It is not weakness.

My cousin is getting engaged in JB this Saturday. First engagement in the family, so it's a pretty big deal. I love when the whole family gets together.

Got new clothes from the sister who kinda owes me a lot of money .

I really want to start reading again. Have not read most of the books I bought even from last year. (not including those got this year)

I guess that's about it. Till next time !

Sunday, October 13, 2013

(Extended periods of) lone time.

T-t-tthis  bbb-bl-o..oogg?!

*Evil laugh*

It's been months since I have let alone visited this site, what more posted in it.

I used to check-in here to write with an abundance of energy and thoughts , the way it would be if a tap isn't turned off even after a cup is filled to the brim. And what was in this blog, was just the excess. The little that overflows.

Hey Amelia how are you what's happening with your life are you okay are you pregnant you're still alive?

My life? It's like the lines from the Lily Allen song 'Why';

" Why is my phone full of so many numbers,
And why doesn't anyone call.
Maybe they think that I'm always too busy,
Or maybe I've no friends at all."

If what you derived from that is that I am sad and lonely then I need to rethink the way I represent my thoughts. Basically, I am happy with my life. The happiest I've been. But I have lost contact with a number of people from my past which troubles me. I feel like they are making attempts to reach out for me. To have me in their life. But I am the one always subconciously pushing them away.

*maybe that's why I dream of teeth/teeth falling a lot*

It's not even the typical , 'too-afraid-of-getting-hurt' or 'dealing-with-not-being-important-to-people-who-are-important-to-me' story.

I cannot blame it on stress, because I am not exactly stressed. I don't know what it is either. It's like the stereotypical teens you see in these American movies. A parent's worst nightmare,-- their daughter evolving into some anti-social rebel hipster who thinks everything is overrated, including life itself. No explanation provided. Except I don't think I am too cool for life. And I'm not a hipster. I just, I dont feel like communicating and socializing as much anymore.

Again, I feel like I am misrepresenting myself.

I dont hate the world. More often than not, it's the tiredness from my 6am-7pm day.

I guess everyone needs their lone-time sometimes. There are times I wish I could just be on facebook but be invisible to people so that they wont get offended by thinking I am avoiding them if I do not respond to their very friendly, nice attempts at connecting with me again through fb chat.  (I am looking at you, Becky--I wonder how you bear with me sometimes.) I know that it's possible to just 'appear offline' on chat but I want to constantly see who's online at the same time. So how? Masalah dunia pertama. (that's first world problems, heheh.)

I guess it's the fact that these people were once up to date with every little life progress I have made , and the period of lost contact makes it difficult to bring up things from these past few months without feeling like I'm being self absorbed. (Because when I talk about myself I tend to expect undivided attention, and a discussion on me to be listened to, not merely heard.)
Last time feeling like I was self absorbed was acceptable. Now it isn't. Because everyone's got their own story too , waiting to be listened to.
To summarize, it's like if you don't know about everything that is happening in my life now you're as close to not being my friend. And if I do tell you about the details of what's going on, and you're going to be judgemental about it and reconsider being friends with me , I cannot tahan. ;(
I've come to the root of the problem. It isnt fear of hurt or not being important, it is fear of rejection + judgement.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Cahll--ege !

I have forgotten how much I love typing like it's the last day I'm ever going to type. (I'm talking about my bullet speed-lengthy rants) . I took such a long break from this that I'm slowly losing the ability to do that.

Even the posting layout on blogger has changed ! (is that how long I was absent?)

HAYY there, HAYYYYY. ;)

..that's my college life in a picture.

Everyday, the theme is: Drained out of energy. But twas worth it.

That is my college's relax area. It is amazing. I remember taking a nap on one of the sofas there, with my music in my ears. When I woke up it was like I didn't know what day it was or where I was. *That says something about it's comfort.* Unless you're not my size, in which your body cant fit in that and you're bound to wake up with aches that last weeks.

*perks of being small, yay.* (Y)

To summarize, I love it, my college life.

 Things that are different about it:

1. It's been months and I'm STILL meeting new faces and personalities. Such a large scale social environment for a college which isn't even thaaat big.

2. I have properly developed my own identity, and am appreciated for it. (In other words, I've never been more comfortable being myself)

3. It is easy to develop crushes on everyone

4. I am much more active and walking, and by the time I come home all I want to do is sleep (which compels me to skip dinner) , which translates to ... WEIGHT LOSSSS~! :)

5. The friends I've made are so very different and constructive for me. It's unhealthy how attached I've gotten to them in such a short while. *I'm looking at you, Roseveen.*

6. The freedom of choice when it comes to style/choice of clothes. Like, I can't be that 'pick-first-thing-I-see-in-closet-and-put-it-on' person anymore. If anything, I learned that taking the effort to incorporate your style into clothes is well rewarding. :)

--but of course sometimes it is perfectly fine to wear weirdass things for the sake of it.

7. This one is important. Important enough to be put in bold and red. SELF DISCIPLINE. It is IMPOSSIBLE to be a cool ass kid like me and still get them grades without the self discipline to study. I used to have it, but it is slipping away faster than I can say the word 'priorities'.

8. Spending money became a more prominent thing my life. "Am I willing to spoil myself with this now and not have that thing I want tomorrow?" Decisions, decisions. -.-

9. The teaching style is way more liberal and it's easy to not pay attention, (drift of) and then return to reality 10 minutes later and be like; 'What am I doing in college?' For the most part I try and not have that happen to me. I try.

10. Because a list isn't quite whole without a number 10 -- The money my parents put into this is craaazy so it makes me feel HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE for slacking. The goal-- the aim here, is supposed to be 3A*s, so I can get some scholarship and they wont come up with any more money if I have intentions of going overseas. I keep needing to remind myself of this.

I guess that's it for now. I am sorry for semi-abandoning this? :(

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Keyboards/keypads vs touch screen technology.

I know I said I hate blogging with my tab but here I am, doing it. There's a word for it. ....Hypocrisy, I think? (Actually I'm just doing this to properly verify my hate.)

My hate isn't completely irrational. Here are some reasons I have.

1. It's just..I like pressing buttons/keys, it just feels so much more secure. Touching letters to create sentences? Not my thing. Who created the concept of 'touch screen' anyway? You must be THAT FUCKING LAZY to want to substitute pressing keys with touching them. What if you touched too lightly, until the letter does not appear? What if you touched too hard and many of the same letters appear? Like this: ddd

2. It is a gazillion times easier to highlight things with a computer mouse. Like, just now, I typed a longass paragraph, and wanted to erase it but it was faster to touch the end of the paragraph and back space it to the first word in that paragraph. It should not be that way.

3. When I touch the screen to select a spot to edit the punctuation, for example, the screen auto enlarges. Then i have to use my index and thumb to get it back to a size where i can view the entire page, instead of the supersized five lines I'm looking at now. This happened a gazillion times throughout the period of composing this post.

4. So okay, after I have selected something, copied it, then pasted it, and I realize, "oops, the line below needs a full stop.." I touch at that space and *bamn!* that other super annoying thing happens. This word 'paste' pops up.

5. The time consumingness -- I know that isn't a word of making amendments makes me prefer not to do it anyway, which impacts the quality of my blogging. Do you have any idea how memayahkan it is to highlight a word or line and make it italic in font? I know that some 'I'(s) are not in capital but I cant be bothered anymore.

6. The autocorrect. I have not had to face that in my life.But now I do, and yeah. Pretty self explanatory, this one.

7. Considering the tab is relatively small and the entire keyboard keys are squuezed into these mini dimensions, the keys are placed so close together, right? This becomes a problem when you have short stubby fingers like myself.
Your fingers might accidentally touch another letter, easily-- and if you typed fast without proof reading, on top of the autocorrect, your sentence could hold a completely different meaning by the time you send it. So I have to constantly be cautious.

8. You cannot listen to something from YouTube while simultaneously composing a blog post. Whaaat is dis, wey.

9. In that last sentence, autocorrect changed it to 'does' and 'way'. If I were using a computer I would italic those two words. But it is too much of. Hassle. Okay, so the last thing is things load so friggin slow in this.

But all in all, I do realise that the solution to this is simply, stop moping and use the damn computer next time. Which is why I am not that serious about my strong distaste in using this to type. Plus, this overpriced device is supposed to be 'cool' right? And it is, much easier to carry around than my entire computer. (Yes, I have heard of laptops, but owning this makes buying that, redundant.)

Plus points for being pleasing to the eyes. I like the way my blog looks through this tab. It is so same from viewing it through a computer, yet so different. I think some fonts have been altered..?

Saturday, May 11, 2013

The repeating pattern.

I am almost disappointed with myself for abandoning this blog a little. Truth is, I have been having a dysfunctional computer monitor, and just got it replaced last week. Now the clarity of the things I am seeing is astounding.

I could have blogged with my tablet , but I just really dislike typing with it. It reduces my typing speed and english efficiency by 70%. With a large screen I can see an entire page of my blog post, not just three lines. And I like feeling like I have written a lot of things worth reading. (even if sometimes it is really not.)

So here comes a long delayed post. This was just collecting dust in the drafts.


I believe that everyone has a look-alike somewhere.A doppelganger. There can only be so many faces in this world before the exact combination it took to create a particular face repeats. It could happen at intervals of an entire generation, or even between two people of around the same age.

This image below is a manifestation of that idea.

On the left we have Rider Strong of 'Boy Meets World' (a.k.a the 'new' old show I am hooked onto) and the right there is Jake T Austin from Wizards of Waverly Place. At this point, the both of them were the same age, meaning.. 15-ish?

It took about 3 episodes of Boy Meets World to come up with this realization. I am not saying they are 100% same , but they have some form of resemblance!

But as the both of them grew physically, their faces turned out to be very different .

This is how the both of them look today. Jake is 19 and Rider is 33. Which means they have a 14 year age gap.

And suddenly they just do not look the same at all already.

Thursday, April 4, 2013


Of all the little miracles God placed in my life, the most major one thus far would be my unbelievable SPM results. I can't think of a more accurate word to use. Some nights I still lie awake trying to believe that I pulled it off. I pulled of a nine. They aren't solid 9A+ s , but they still make me eligible for scholarships.

Which, if I didn't have, I could just, say bye to any chances of furthering my education in a place and course of my choice. I would be in misery.

There would always be that painful silence. The household would be such a tensed atmosphere, any slight thing could set off an argument. Money would be such a sensitive issue, that you would wish such a word would seem like it didn't exist. Or you would rather have to drop dead than bring it up.

Maybe that's why God did it. Because he knew, this was it. It was either straight As or straight As. Nothing else. I was talking to a few people about this, and since the competition for scholarships is getting higher , they even set aside people who got EIGHT As. Nine is the *goes without saying* bare minimum to be eligible, despite what the public chooses to say about it! 

I am so thankful for the choices I have made throughout the last two years too. Maybe God planted these ideas in my head. All those extra curricular activities and school representing I did that people perceived as a 'waste of time'. (IN YO FACE) Now it proves to be of a BIG help in setting me apart from other applicants.

I am so thankful for my mom being my mom because she was the only person who went forth and was serious about enrolling me in something. If it wasn't for her I would probably only start college next year and be in a class with people a year younger than me or something. She showed genuine happiness over my success and rewarded me for it in her ways. Also, she was the one who forced me into tuition (and lets face it, tuition is the only form of serious studying I would have gotten) and paying its high fee monthly.

I am thankful for having a sister that believed in me and pep talked me especially during the panic attack phases towards trials. I don't know why either but before her talk, the concept of just leaving things blank if I didn't know answers instead of big-time freaking out about it didnt exist. But knowing that by just doing that being sufficient to make my mom satisfied was a big relief.

I am so grateful for the teachers that taught me (or rather , tolerated me) and wasn't too hard on me when I didn't finish my homework, and were kind when marking my papers when I needed that one extra mark to determine my change of grade. If there is one thing I miss about school it would be the teachers. Some have grown to become like close friends. I appreciate their efforts at passing their knowledge down and making the lessons interesting (through various group activities) and fun ! *I'm looking at you, english teacher. *

I am thankful for Calvin, who was like, one the only human being on earth who actually thought/firmly believed (contrary to my sister who was just probably obliged to say nice things to make me feel less anxiety, lols) that I could pull off a nine. When I got it, his words was one of the earliest thoughts to come to mind. I cannot describe to you how good it feels to have a friend believe in you when you don't even believe in yourself.

AND AMELIA. Okay Amelia deserves her own section. She was my .. *maybe a word for what I want isn't coming to my mind yet* but I would just, crumble in school without her existence. She was the person who could make me laugh without needing to say anything. The yin to my yang, The few people I permit to insult me/make fun of me/ tell me if I am going to far without any feelings of wanting to injure anyone. The impact she has on my life, (and this I only realized recently) is tremendous.

It is true, the friends you make have a great impact on how you perform. And in my case, because of her I wasn't TOO slack-y. The necessary amount of discipline in my life. The correct term for it would be 'best friend'. Yes, that is what she is.

I am grateful for my classmates who inadvertently forced me to push my limits instead of just lying on comfort zone. Cause, by being in 5B, It makes me want to do all I can to not sink below the 25th position in class. And to do that, I would need to put in the necessary effort to ensure that. Special thanks to Amelia for making my studying experiences fun, and some part of me believes this would not be possible without her.

Then we have Becky who was a full time counselor and picked me up when I was at a low point in my life, late last year. She was my necessary dose of humor. The witty + sarcastic kind. I have other people for the 'slapstick' kind.  I can't insert a pic of her and me here because the last recorded one I have of us, I look like a confused boy . I await the day we update it, just sayin'.

Truly, I feel blessed. So thank you, all of you. Really. (:

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Bend over backwards.

Morph Kina Grannis and Jasmine Villegas (a.k.a the girl from 'Baby')

You get Cierra Ramirez

She starred in this:


I will admit, this was a pretty good investment of my time. It is available on youtube; and the girl (who is my age) has got some serious swag. I adore her sense of fashion.

--this was drafted early March.


Hello peoples !

I have been through a whirlwind of emotions. And suddenly, I didn't need to blog about it anymore. Containing them in my mind was more self-sufficient.

Pao's loss, day 11.

I have , you can say... come to terms with Pao's loss? (Now I know for sure she isnt going to appear on my doorstep again eventually.)

Her kittens are dying one by one. Watching them get weaker and weaker until they can barely produce a sound is getting less painful than I thought it would be. Morbid thoughts flood my mind. Optimistic me would tell me to snip them off before it develops into a major psychological problem.

Anyway, what I did was, give them a bath! If they were going to die I want them to be clean while at it. Do not question the rationale to that. I get really angry when people have anything negative to say about Pao "abandoning" her kittens and making circumstances be such. Because she didn't just abandon them. She was mercilessly thieved away.

Anyway, enough with the moping.

Ironically, what made me want to blog was listening to jumpy bubbly songs. If I were still sad I wouldn't be able to phrase proper english sentences about what I feel.

Think ;
Sara Bareilles - Gonna Get Over You
Marina & The Diamonds- Primadona Love
..whatever you get when you youtube 'Demi Lovato playlist'

My life has made a dramatic leap of progress if we compare it with the last 5/6 months.. I start college in more or less 10 days. I'm doing A levels. The last thing I saw myself doing. This is taking some time for my brain to process.

I think my mom is the most bending-over-backwards person I know of, in this planet.

In one day she buys me a watch, a subway sandwich, a new pair of spectacles, on top of that gives me cash for future use, offers to get me a handbag, bears with the excessive excessive excessive amount of walking we did around KL trying to locate the college I was supposed to visit, doesn't complain even once after we took the wrong train roughly four or five times, goes to inquire about another college for the course I was supposed to take, etc etc. She cancelled all the plans she was supposed to attend to for the day to morally support me and even attended the free trial class I was supposed to attend because I was a bit scared to be alone in such a foreign environment.

Oh, oh, all of that while having a really injured knee.

She will not know how much I appreciate and need her in my life. Because we're not one for "I love you" s.

It gives me a lot to compare with if you look at how much my dad is involved with my life. Yes, it brings me down sometimes, but I had like, the last five years or so to get used to it.

So why does it still bring me down? things to ponder..

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Coping with Pao's loss-day 5.

I finally understand why some people do drugs.

I used to think it was so stupid. A typical making a statement act. Fitting in.  Peer pressure. Completely avoidable addiction. "Oh, I'm sad, so I am going to shower my self with strong nerve damaging drugs."

As far as my shallowness on the subject went, nothing was ever too sad that enough time and moral support couldn't heal.

But that was until I lost something I loved so, so, much.
I am in a state that I will take ANYTHING. Any alternative to keep me from being sane and being able to process my horrible reality of having the one thing I care about at home be stolen from me.

You know how you love something when you first get it and over time (years) your love isn't as strong? That is how it was NOT with Pao. Every single day I wake up and it's like the first time I'm seeing her. Every half an hour no matter what I am doing I just need to look at her just to make sure she is still alive and present and smile. That's how it was for the last six months.

Now I lie awake for hours when I am trying to sleep, playing back meaningless memories, such as her quietly lying on the computer table.  The flashes of memory I have, don't even have anything to do with me. They could be as random as Pao eating her bag of (still left the way it was) 'Whiskers'. Pao biting a leaf. Pao sleeping. Pao's eye twitching. Pao's tail.

I could be watching a video with headphones on, but suddenly hear her as if she were right behind me and freeze. (Happened 10 times this day alone) Everything I look at has a memory of her tethered to it. Every time I wake up I keep thinking maybe if I walked downstairs a Pao will be there to surprise me, she just took a long walk. I am sleeping on a bed without a bed sheet because if I put it back on it will always remind me that Pao slept ON that bed sheet. It will stare me in the face everyday.

I keep hearing her meow when she isn't there. When I eventually get to sleep she makes an appearance in my dreams. I just had a dream this evening, that she came back. She changed, almost like a different cat-- but she was back in my arms. It scared me. Would I be able to accept a different Pao if she returned?
I watch the other stray cats behind my house running about in their normal untainted lives and talk to them asking if they've seen my Pao, as if they would magically answer me back or even understand what I'm saying.


You don't understand.
I don't love anything deeply enough to want to make sacrifices for and proclaim it to the world.

(Pao, jussssssst after giving birth. Last pic I took of her.)


Now these are things I would seriously do. I don't believe in catching grenades or other melodramatic shit like that because what is the point of getting Pao back if I am not alive to see it happen eventually? I repeat. This is not me being dramatic, these are things I would actually do.

I would trade in not ever knowing my SPM results if that meant I could get Pao back the way she was when I last saw her.

I would trade in not going to college this year and watching other people progress with their lives.

I would trade in my sense of taste for seaweed (which sucks because sushi has seaweed)

I would trade in not having my leg scars heal ever which would mean I could never wear another dress and feel pretty.

I would trade not consuming anything for a week excluding water.

I would trade in not meeting anyone from secondary school ever again excluding Becky and the usual 8.

I would gladly have dengue and be admitted in a hospital for Pao.

I would be willing to not have a hand phone until I am 25.

I would go off facebook for half a month.

I would.. *gulp* have her kittens die, only if that meant she would be back.

I would give up ever have a twitter account.

I would give up Milo for half a year.

I would trade not being able to visit outside Asia ever.






Saturday, March 16, 2013

Paolia is gone.

Pao left home . No, Pao wouldn't do that. Someone fucking STOLE her.

My pride and joy, the only one I come home to be with, my first legit pet. :(

I discovered this upon returning from a horrible two day trip to Pahang. The event didn't completely suck, it was my health. My head felt like it was a swinging pendulum, my eyes as if someone had marinated them with chilli powder and put them back in my sockets, my nose septum (you know the one that divides your nostrils) were sore from all that blowing, my throat was in pain that it affected my voice, my hair all unruly, and I haven't had a proper sleep in those days.

After all of that, all I wanted to do was come back and give Pao a big cuddle. I noticed something was strange when the car stopped at the driveway and she didn't come charging at us. I overlooked it as her having bigger life priorities, such as feeding her 2 week old kittens.

Even when we walked into the house there was no sign of her ,in all the places she would be. Her kittens were climbing out of the cupboard they were put in and crying the loudest I've heard them (for what I assume must be milk). Note: their eyes have not fully opened yet and they couldn't even walk but they were shivering and ..gliding(?) about the floor. I was getting distressed because I couldn't sleep from all that screaming.

I took a 10 minute power nap (more like lie-on-the-bed-open-eyed) before going outside and relentlessly calling out for Pao. I took her bag of whiskers and shaked it , front entrance, back door-- because the last time she went out for a long walk , this was the remedy for it. If there's one thing I knew, it was that Pao loved food probably more than her babies. After that didn't work I carried her screaming fur balls outside too. No such luck.

That's when it started to become more than distress. It was sheer panic. Hours had passed since my return from Pahang, and the screaming kittens didnt get any softer. I took a walk down my house's lane , briefly inspecting drains.. calling out her name (all this still feeling and looking like crap). Her kittens were evidently more weak because the orange one stopped making any noise and coiled up in a ball by a corner under the bed. They were dying.

Now here's a known fact: Kittens (or cats) CANNOT drink our regular milk, it is almost lethal to them ! So stop wondering why I didnt just make them a warm bowl of milk. Also my *unhelpful* parents didnt take them to a vet.

I guess somewhere along that point of realizing that I broke down. Made an unhelpful call to my sister, before she gave me the idea of just making the milk anyway, but have it be really diluted. I had to do SOMETHING, so I did that.

I fed the babies though a cotton bud and so far things are still very very bad but better than when she first abandoned them. Or was abruptly stolen away from them.


So, don't talk to me if what you have to say goes along the lines of  "Get over it, it was just a cat." or if you intend on making jokes about it. I preferred Pao to human company; and if you didnt know about how strongly I felt for Pao you might as well not know me at all..

In fact just don't talk to me at all, anyone. I cannot give you the normal communicative response you want. I am not even interested in explaining why.

I don't care about SPM results at all, now. I just want my Pao back.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Deception & Perception. (A review)

In the last 2 weeks I stumbled upon two brilliant TV series. Considering I am a sucker for a good thriller/mystery and nothing like that has made an appearance in my television crazed life since Pretty Little Liars, it was like,  jackpot! *kaching!*

I first found 'Deception' , and concluded it as an adult version of 'Pretty Little Liars'.

I mean, a rich, challenging white blond girl who keeps secrets is found dead, and everyone has a motive to kill her. *So freaking similar omg why hasn't anyone pointed this out?*

(Upon looking at this poster I could only think of how the description of PLL is = Never trust a pretty girl with an ugly secret.) Play on words. How ORIGINAL. Heck, even the opening sequence of Pretty Little Liars is Alisson lying in an open coffin below.

BUTTTT I turned a blind eye to all of that because everything I was hooked onto before this, were heaps and heaps of mindless comedy, that it was getting so monotonous. I didn't want to raise the standards of things in life I can find funny any more than it's already towering level.. (I am afraid it might already be too late for that) and hopelessly wait for a real life 'Max Black' to appear in my life. *2 Broke Girls, yay.*

Anyway, after watching the first episode , It turned out not to be that bad after all ! (: The very first episode and they reveal that the person who was supposed to be the dead girl's sister is actually her DAUGHTER ! Talk about drama. Oh, I left out the most important part, a.k.a the deal breaker(s)!

1. There were only 10 episodes I had to catch up with. Y'all know how much I hate needing to catch up with even two seasons worth of episodes. Even if it is damn good series, I can never. Okay unless it were like, 13 episodes each. But you know, series usually have 24 episodes per season. The only way THAT is gonna work is if an episode is 20 minutes-ish.

2. The main character, Joanna , was not your stereotypical white persona. Naturally, I felt obligated to support my kind. Okay, I am not black. *I find this term offensive, is there a more polite way? * But if identifying as one counted for anything....

3. This promo video. Perfect accompanying music, almost like it does the job of narrating the mystery. I don't use the term perfect a lot, so that's saying something.

But I am more a fan of PERCEPTION !  *No, I didn't plan for it to rhyme.

Do not be fooled by the promotional poster and following gif which might suggest it is a comedy because it ISNT !

I put it there to manifest my feels for Eric Mccormak.

This one (Perception) on the other hand is more...original, and if I had to guess, it sells because of the main character (Daniel) 's intelligence in solving complexities on top of being a schizophrenic. It tripled his sex appeal.

Thumbs up to the producers for slipping in anagrams and people who you think exist but don't. The first time it happened it spooked me. I loved it!

 It is what sets the show apart. Also, like, you won't see it at first but when you follow the show you start to have all these feels for Daniel and how handsome he is, and start wondering why HE isn't cast as the womanizer in 'Californication' because he looks waaaaaay more convincing. You know, for being 49 and all. Maybe it's just me.  

The trailer to the show is this:

Comments on youtube call it a Sherlock Holmes rip off , but I've never watched even one episode of that to judge, and I would root for this more than that because I only have about 10 episodes to catch up with, again. Yezzah! :)

Saturday, March 9, 2013


Normal people listening to Eisley:

*taps feet*
*shakes head to beat*
*lip syncs*

Me listening to Eisley:

*remembers dad is in the hall*
*silent for few mins*
*plays same song again*
*dances while sitting on chair* (it's possible)
*wide grinned + extra dramatic lip sync *
*imagines what it would feel like to stand between Sherri and Stacy*
*plays that same song again*
*plays a live version of that song*
*examines their facial expressions and tries to understand how they sing it*
*Moves to next youtube video of songs they sing*
*repeat cycle*
*If smiles could kill...

Fun fact: I just listened to 'Better Love' 10 times while typing this.  

I am especially hooked on to the lyrics; "How can I unwind you; when I can't unwind myself?" from 'Better Love.' The tune is so much like a fragment of that 'Hedwigs Theme', if we rocked it up.

And I take great pleasure in moan-singing out the line; "If you're my guide, I'm your guide."
It literally sounds like;

"If mmyore ma'guide ngghiym'uh yore gyyydd!'

The blogging rationale.

Random thought:

It sometimes seems to me that people think...personal genre blogging is for lifeless pre-teens who have enough free time in their hands to use it on talking about themselves?

Or that it is for lonely people who have nothing much to do with their time so they let their thoughts take over them. And because they have so much of them (thoughts) and they're not ready to just let it be forgotten and replaced with new things, they write about it in blogs.

On some level they might have a point. Because if you think about it, when life is moving fast for you and happiness comes in abundance, you cannot even keep track of which event is big enough to talk about, because they are all equally as great, and so much of it comes that you don't have to document it anymore. Your mere experience of these events make you content. If you forget one great event there will always be another one and another one , popping up like annoying ads when you're trying to watch an episode of a TV series.

The only way you'd still want to write about it all is if writing is generally your niche. Or if you have OCD. (I lean toward this reason.)

I guess I've grown to understand that when people don't update blogs it isn't entirely about sloth or giving the next post more impact, it could just be that life's been good to you.

After what appeared to be a dark overture for the year, I am pleased to say that things are just nice. Not perfect, but nice.

Calls for the classic just-silly-enough-to-pass-for-a-smile-but not-genuine-smile moment. Okay in that pic it just looks like I smelled something bad.
I just love my pink shirt, okay?

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Alexander Rybak.

Hi hello good morning , isn't it such a lovely day? 

I think I found white Shahid Kapoor !! *fan girl moment*

Correction, white singing Shahid Kapoor !

Okay so it is a relatively poor analogy, how about , if we brought in a little Chace Crawford?

Not convincing enough? Yeah I get what you mean.

There is something remotely Prince Arthur-ish about him as well.

...Isn't that so, Arthur?

I cannot project to you the image I have in my mind, but he really does look like a morph of these three's best features.

Wow, actually he looks like what would happen if some of the world's most handsome (in that boyish way) celebrities' genes mixed together to create something magical.

Xing Jun introduced him to me. I am surprised I was unaware of his existence before.
I guess the moment when it went  *BAMN !*  in my head, was when I saw this song of his.

Then there is the way he looks incredibly hot when he's playing his violin and singing. As if.. as if, he's sexy and he knows it.


The only other person (people?) who can pull of such authority with a violin would be 'The Corrs' . Suddenly I have a violinist fetish. :x

Which will most likely fade after a week. I hope.

Paolia Protection Program.

So.... my baby came out of the closet. 

..No, no pun intended at all! ;)

I love Pao more than I love most people. She won't admit but she loves me back.
I swear, I have never loved something this much since.... well, since the last time I loved something.

I think I realized just how much yesterday, when it was raining so heavily. The trees swayed violently to the blow of the angry wind, which gave the atmosphere a very 'haunted house' feel. The sky was exceptionally dark for a late afternoon, and I was sleeping like a log. (Because I have a messed up time zone and go to sleep at 8am)

Somewhere between the immensely disturbing dream of someone who looked like a morph of Kanye West and Jay Z and being awake enough to have a sense that I was in fact, dreaming it-- (thank God it was just a dream!) I heard a a distant cry outside my door, almost like one of a child, It had a desperate vibe to it, signalling complete alarm and danger. 

I awoke immediately, then processed that it was Pao, my  out-of-this-world-level adorable calico (I wish I knew what breed she was) cat. So anyway, I opened the door to investigate what all the fuss was about, and she came charging in my room, full force, licking my leg and sort of, ..crying? Her fur was standing, like when you get goosebumps, and when she looked me in the eyes , there was this look of terror. That was when I noticed how dark and spooky the whole house must have appeared to Pao, because everyone was having their afternoon naps.

I carried Pao the same way you would carry a crying newborn, and she leaned into my hug, (still a bit shaken, but obviously more comforted as her fur was less puffy and returning to the way it was.) She licked my face as if I was a slab of beef. I'm no expert but I think that is a clear sign of love and gratitude. Her alarming screams faded and turned into loud purrs.

After that, I walked around the house for a good ten minutes, with her in my arms, telling her I'm here, and everything is okay, regardless of whether she understood my language. She talked back in hers. (I have a talking cat, it's legit!) I drowned out the sound of the thunder with a tv show I was streaming online, and she curled up into a ball and fell asleep next to the mouse until much later that evening.

It brought me GREAT serenity to know that I was like Pao's personal guardian + hero, and her well being was in MY hands. I guess this is what having a PET must feel like.

I never actually had a legit one (you might find that difficult to believe) because all the while it was about taming stray cats that roam behind the house . They could come into my house but I could never quite feel like I owned them. This is the first time, the entire family approves of and loves this one cat that voluntarily WALKED INTO THE HOUSE one day. The first time my dad bothers going grocery shopping to buy cat food for it. (he HATES cats!!) The cat that people let sleep on their beds. The first cat I've seen that likes to be carried and cuddled. The cat that charms any visitor to the house. The cat you could lock out of the house for days and it will still run back and love you as if nothing happened. A potty trained, self appointed human alarm, naughty puss (in that childlike endearing way) that talks.

My parents never even let MAO sleep in the house, but they turn a blind eye to Pao screeching for attention in the middle of the night outside their room. With Mao out of the picture, (mom sent her away because she was like a cat producing factory whose kittens dirtied the house even though she was much well behaved than Pao) Pao is being spoiled rotten.

♥  Pao. You have no idea how much you're loved. It is going to be excruciating when you leave me one day.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Support system.

Phew ! :) got some big-time negativity off my system.

Someone once told me the wise thing to do would be to walk away from something provocative before you say things you cant un-say.

Plot twist: That someone is myself. :D

"Look how mature you are being about this, you deserve a pat on the back."

Feel blessed to have the people around me. Thank you. Every single one of you. (:

Thursday, February 21, 2013


I came across this minimalist philosophical blog, some time back.

I am so envious of her dominance over words .. Albeit inspired. :D

These words aren't exactly the ones you have to look up in a dictionary to apply. If there is one thing she taught me, it is that using big words doesn't necessarily portray eloquence. It can very easily be mistaken for trying too hard. Sometimes, it is as simple as taking average words and stringing them into a beautiful sentence.

In three lines she manages to accurately describe an emotion which isn't legitimately named yet.

In a few words, she invents a powerful quote.
Something about being careful about what you put into your head because you can never,ever get them out.

I remember one time, she made a good analogy between books and life.

It gives blogger a good name. It affirms my loyalty to this, instead of tumblr. ;)

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Letting go.

Life is about PROGRESSING, right?
Letting go of things (eg; the past) that tie you down?

Unfortunately, I am the kind of person who's too absorbed with the past for my own good. Memories are more important to me than life itself.

 I live everyday thinking of how good that other day was. How much I can make this day like that day. Constantly re-visiting the good times of yore, and fretting the outcomes of decisions I've made in the past-- oblivious to the fact that the present is a gift, given to me to progress from all of that.

For ages, I kept it engraved within the depths of my conscience, that 2009 was the best year of my life. I meditated on all the events that made it such.

"2009 was great. 2009 was growth. 2009 was love. Nothing can ever beat 2009."

I'd just succumb to the idea, even up until last week, maybe..

But now,
I am starting to question the idea. Because, over time, I am losing track of the events that justify it. Like, I just have the main concept intact but I don't even know WHY it is such anymore. What was so great about 09', anyway ? 2012 was pretty great for my life, why is it any less important than 2009? Why can't I start making 2013 my 'best' year ?

When I am living in a particular year, I hate it-- but after it has passed, the following year I realise how many great things from the previous year I can never get back and how the current one is a big deterioration.

It is a relevant cliche, 'you don't know what you got till it's gone'.


What I want to change about this year, (much like what I wanted to change about any other year in the past four years) is to actually LIVE. Not through photographs, or mediocre events which I try to make much of a bigger deal than it actually is.. Really be involved in conversations, not think about writing the event in my journal while it's happening.

I want to teach myself that it is okay if I let a few things slip away from my memory. Caging my memories wont enable me to actually time travel and re-live them. I need to let go. It is going to be mad difficult, but I want to try.

To do that, I need to start creating new memories that make the old ones seem insignificant in comparison.  March is going to be an overture, I hope. 

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Eisley Love.

Profound, crazy, dangerous, immense love for Eisley, maynnn. ;D

If someone was around me while I was listening to Eisley, they would think I am possessed.

People could talk to me but I would not digest what they are saying.

Listening to Eisley is a temporary numbness from any other emotion which isn't euphoric. Which is why it is the perfect cure to my fear of being alone while waiting for a public transport or being alone in a crowded place where I don't know anyone. I will be facing a lot of that in the near future, so...

I cannot make anyone understand just how much of a fan I am of their work, and WHY , but I'll try.. 

One thing that sets them apart would be that they make really beautiful melodies in all their songs. (One song , 'Memories' sound like three different nice songs put together.) These melodies do not sound like a modern or remixed version of an oldie, it's fresh music . Not overrated migraine-inducing, loud dubstep filth that repeats the same paragraph throughout the song before breaking into something that sounds like an army of mosquitoes are having a party in your ear.

Back to Eisley..A lot of times, rather than sing words, they sort of.. chant (?) and it's like their trademark. (Take the beginning of  'Marvelous Things' for example, it was the first Eisley song I grew to love. Most, most, most IMPORTANTLY, they aren't famous over here and don't play on the radio , so my connection to this band is more personal. It would break my heart into a million tiny pieces if everyone suddenly had Eisley on their ipod and car radios.

What else, the lyrics to some songs can be very vague, which opens room for interpretation, which I like. Their voices sound like angels. When Stacy and Sherri harmonize, I die. :)

Like in this one.

0:33   = "I, don't believe in magic"

0:36 - 0:54  = Sorcery!!

They are also so pretty, all of them, which makes it more astounding. Maybe it is biasness kicking in..

Point of this post is to tell you that if I die before my time , the organizers of my funeral will have to pick an Eisley song. Think, 'Memories', 'Lost at sea', 'Ambulance' , (albeit ironic), yes..

If I get married, I would love 'Golly Sandra' at some part of the entire function. You guessed right, it's an Eisley song.

If I have a birthday party, any Eisley song would do .

If I am going to exercise, Eisley.

Just. Associate me with Eisley okay? 

Play the damn Eisley. :)

Friday, February 15, 2013

The social strategy.

I have been spending my recent days clicking on cute guys' facebook profiles.

Plot twist: None of them know I exist.

It's like, I click on one person, to discover that this person is in a photo with another attractive person, so I open that ones' profile, only to see that that person is in a photo with ANOTHER medium tanned, extremely cute geek-like persona who looks like he can be blown by a strong wind, (think indian Michael Cera; I have a soft spot for that) so yeah-- it goes like that..

They are not COMPLETELY random, I mean, they are friends of my existing friends, you see?

Anyway, in that process, I found someone who is a mixture of all the crushes I have ever had, with a new additional personal trait--catholic bigot. This person took pride in uploading a dozen pictures of his relatives' graves, and winning 1st in bible knowledge quizzes.. I have fairly decent bible knowledge for someone who barely reads the bible, and I am not an atheist, but seeing him parade it like that made me think that if we met, I was going to be in some pressure to be someone I am not , hence having a painfully awkward friendship...

Sigh, He would have been perfect crush material , otherwise...

*snaps out of imagination bubble*
I told my sister about all the hot people (the people I find attractive is really, an acquired taste) who I'm not already meeting and how I sucked myself into a chain of attractive people's profiles.. She just said; "Birds of a feather flock together."

It's like all the hot people of an area have this special league of their own and make pacts to be friends, deliberately. Social strategy, perhaps?

Eitherway, it is my dream to one day be accustomed with these people. While on this issue, let me clarify something, I don't have 'dating' plastered ANYWHERE in my mind at all at the moment, I mean, ew-- I just like looking at people I find hot and having crushes that fade after a week or so.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Judge cycle.

According to google : To judge is to form an opinion or conclusion about.

Seeing as I am an extremely opinionated individual, and these words are practically synonyms, I guess.. I am judgmental (?)

Judging other people who judge doesn't make you any less of a judge.

If we go by this google given definition, I'd say abiding by a stereotype is being judgmental. To assume something is being judgmental. Everyone on planet earth is going to have a thought about something , and that instantly serves as a judgement! (be it a positive one or a negative one)

You cannot prevent people from having opinions or be upset with them for having it ! That's like giving someone legs and telling them they cannot walk with it then being upset with them when they do.

A lot of times people want to know how someone else feels about something , but when they openly speak about how they feel about it, they get scorn for being 'judgmental'.

This is proof that people only choose to hear what they want to, and an unpopular opinion passes off as invalid. Which, if you think about it, in all its irony, is 'being judgmental'. 

Basically, you cannot escape the cycle !!

The trick is to not get affected by it. Get 'judged' for being insensitive but in the long term it is a favor to yourself.

Look at people's offensive judgements as bullets moving towards you with great velocity and you're dodging them every time you don't care. ..Took some practice, but now I am like Neo from 'The Matrix'.

 Actually, what is so treacherous about judgement? (..which is, if we're still sticking with the synonym-of-opinion sense of it ?)

What if something someone said about you were true? You cannot possibly be upset with them for knowing you? Are you too much of a coward to hear something bad about yourself ? And if it's not true, why should it bother you ? You and all the other people who value you know better than to fall apart over one person's questionable opinion.

Often people forget ; Not retaliating is not a sign of weakness, but maturity !

I guess people have a big issue with judgement because they define it differently..

Some people have an issue with the judgementals because this --> Being judgemental is saying someone is 'right' or 'wrong' according to their own moral code.

And lets face it, nobody likes to be belittled and told they are wrong. Which, again, comes down to the will of being unfazed by it.

I can feel myself being judged for this post.


Monday, February 11, 2013

On swearing.

Morph Chuck Norris and Ryan Reynolds?

Get James Van Der Beek?

It's come to my attention that I just, don't swear (?) At all! 

By choice.

Like, it isn't even difficult for me to refrain from doing it, because actually doing it would be as unnatural as a horse mating with a dog or something.

Unless you count the word "stupid" . (Which I don't) Now that is a word's usage of which I abuse, --with an indian accent, might I add. Not so much when I write, but when I speak .. it's almost like my catch phrase.

Not to say that I'd rather have a knife a few centimeters away from my eyeball before I am forced to spurt out something, and even then have to call it  'the eff word'..

I am not a fan of the term. As if using the term makes it any less... 'sinful',  if that's what the worry is; besides, wouldn't it seriously rob the impact the swear word would deliver ? Think about it.

"Eff you!"

I think 'Eff' makes a cute pet's middle name. Not an offensive comeback.

I read somewhere that swearing is only a cover up for a lack of a better word to describe how a person is feeling or trying to express themselves.

I'd actually fancy someone who can verbally 'topple' someone down without needing to swear , because their command of language is so powerful it speaks volumes. It's so much more intelligent and classeh.

Here's what I absolutely despise, tho-- when 'gay' is supposed to be an insult. The hate I have for someone who goes; 'Ugh, so gay', if bottled, (and could be transformed into heat energy) could boil an egg. Then, I'd take that egg and smash it on the person who said that.

..Nah I wouldn't. I'm too cowardly nice. (: