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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Alexander Rybak.

Hi hello good morning , isn't it such a lovely day? 

I think I found white Shahid Kapoor !! *fan girl moment*

Correction, white singing Shahid Kapoor !

Okay so it is a relatively poor analogy, how about , if we brought in a little Chace Crawford?

Not convincing enough? Yeah I get what you mean.

There is something remotely Prince Arthur-ish about him as well.

...Isn't that so, Arthur?

I cannot project to you the image I have in my mind, but he really does look like a morph of these three's best features.

Wow, actually he looks like what would happen if some of the world's most handsome (in that boyish way) celebrities' genes mixed together to create something magical.

Xing Jun introduced him to me. I am surprised I was unaware of his existence before.
I guess the moment when it went  *BAMN !*  in my head, was when I saw this song of his.

Then there is the way he looks incredibly hot when he's playing his violin and singing. As if.. as if, he's sexy and he knows it.


The only other person (people?) who can pull of such authority with a violin would be 'The Corrs' . Suddenly I have a violinist fetish. :x

Which will most likely fade after a week. I hope.

Paolia Protection Program.

So.... my baby came out of the closet. 

..No, no pun intended at all! ;)

I love Pao more than I love most people. She won't admit but she loves me back.
I swear, I have never loved something this much since.... well, since the last time I loved something.

I think I realized just how much yesterday, when it was raining so heavily. The trees swayed violently to the blow of the angry wind, which gave the atmosphere a very 'haunted house' feel. The sky was exceptionally dark for a late afternoon, and I was sleeping like a log. (Because I have a messed up time zone and go to sleep at 8am)

Somewhere between the immensely disturbing dream of someone who looked like a morph of Kanye West and Jay Z and being awake enough to have a sense that I was in fact, dreaming it-- (thank God it was just a dream!) I heard a a distant cry outside my door, almost like one of a child, It had a desperate vibe to it, signalling complete alarm and danger. 

I awoke immediately, then processed that it was Pao, my  out-of-this-world-level adorable calico (I wish I knew what breed she was) cat. So anyway, I opened the door to investigate what all the fuss was about, and she came charging in my room, full force, licking my leg and sort of, ..crying? Her fur was standing, like when you get goosebumps, and when she looked me in the eyes , there was this look of terror. That was when I noticed how dark and spooky the whole house must have appeared to Pao, because everyone was having their afternoon naps.

I carried Pao the same way you would carry a crying newborn, and she leaned into my hug, (still a bit shaken, but obviously more comforted as her fur was less puffy and returning to the way it was.) She licked my face as if I was a slab of beef. I'm no expert but I think that is a clear sign of love and gratitude. Her alarming screams faded and turned into loud purrs.

After that, I walked around the house for a good ten minutes, with her in my arms, telling her I'm here, and everything is okay, regardless of whether she understood my language. She talked back in hers. (I have a talking cat, it's legit!) I drowned out the sound of the thunder with a tv show I was streaming online, and she curled up into a ball and fell asleep next to the mouse until much later that evening.

It brought me GREAT serenity to know that I was like Pao's personal guardian + hero, and her well being was in MY hands. I guess this is what having a PET must feel like.

I never actually had a legit one (you might find that difficult to believe) because all the while it was about taming stray cats that roam behind the house . They could come into my house but I could never quite feel like I owned them. This is the first time, the entire family approves of and loves this one cat that voluntarily WALKED INTO THE HOUSE one day. The first time my dad bothers going grocery shopping to buy cat food for it. (he HATES cats!!) The cat that people let sleep on their beds. The first cat I've seen that likes to be carried and cuddled. The cat that charms any visitor to the house. The cat you could lock out of the house for days and it will still run back and love you as if nothing happened. A potty trained, self appointed human alarm, naughty puss (in that childlike endearing way) that talks.

My parents never even let MAO sleep in the house, but they turn a blind eye to Pao screeching for attention in the middle of the night outside their room. With Mao out of the picture, (mom sent her away because she was like a cat producing factory whose kittens dirtied the house even though she was much well behaved than Pao) Pao is being spoiled rotten.

♥  Pao. You have no idea how much you're loved. It is going to be excruciating when you leave me one day.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Support system.

Phew ! :) got some big-time negativity off my system.

Someone once told me the wise thing to do would be to walk away from something provocative before you say things you cant un-say.

Plot twist: That someone is myself. :D

"Look how mature you are being about this, you deserve a pat on the back."

Feel blessed to have the people around me. Thank you. Every single one of you. (:

Thursday, February 21, 2013


I came across this minimalist philosophical blog, some time back.

I am so envious of her dominance over words .. Albeit inspired. :D

These words aren't exactly the ones you have to look up in a dictionary to apply. If there is one thing she taught me, it is that using big words doesn't necessarily portray eloquence. It can very easily be mistaken for trying too hard. Sometimes, it is as simple as taking average words and stringing them into a beautiful sentence.

In three lines she manages to accurately describe an emotion which isn't legitimately named yet.

In a few words, she invents a powerful quote.
Something about being careful about what you put into your head because you can never,ever get them out.

I remember one time, she made a good analogy between books and life.

It gives blogger a good name. It affirms my loyalty to this, instead of tumblr. ;)

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Letting go.

Life is about PROGRESSING, right?
Letting go of things (eg; the past) that tie you down?

Unfortunately, I am the kind of person who's too absorbed with the past for my own good. Memories are more important to me than life itself.

 I live everyday thinking of how good that other day was. How much I can make this day like that day. Constantly re-visiting the good times of yore, and fretting the outcomes of decisions I've made in the past-- oblivious to the fact that the present is a gift, given to me to progress from all of that.

For ages, I kept it engraved within the depths of my conscience, that 2009 was the best year of my life. I meditated on all the events that made it such.

"2009 was great. 2009 was growth. 2009 was love. Nothing can ever beat 2009."

I'd just succumb to the idea, even up until last week, maybe..

But now,
I am starting to question the idea. Because, over time, I am losing track of the events that justify it. Like, I just have the main concept intact but I don't even know WHY it is such anymore. What was so great about 09', anyway ? 2012 was pretty great for my life, why is it any less important than 2009? Why can't I start making 2013 my 'best' year ?

When I am living in a particular year, I hate it-- but after it has passed, the following year I realise how many great things from the previous year I can never get back and how the current one is a big deterioration.

It is a relevant cliche, 'you don't know what you got till it's gone'.


What I want to change about this year, (much like what I wanted to change about any other year in the past four years) is to actually LIVE. Not through photographs, or mediocre events which I try to make much of a bigger deal than it actually is.. Really be involved in conversations, not think about writing the event in my journal while it's happening.

I want to teach myself that it is okay if I let a few things slip away from my memory. Caging my memories wont enable me to actually time travel and re-live them. I need to let go. It is going to be mad difficult, but I want to try.

To do that, I need to start creating new memories that make the old ones seem insignificant in comparison.  March is going to be an overture, I hope. 

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Eisley Love.

Profound, crazy, dangerous, immense love for Eisley, maynnn. ;D

If someone was around me while I was listening to Eisley, they would think I am possessed.

People could talk to me but I would not digest what they are saying.

Listening to Eisley is a temporary numbness from any other emotion which isn't euphoric. Which is why it is the perfect cure to my fear of being alone while waiting for a public transport or being alone in a crowded place where I don't know anyone. I will be facing a lot of that in the near future, so...

I cannot make anyone understand just how much of a fan I am of their work, and WHY , but I'll try.. 

One thing that sets them apart would be that they make really beautiful melodies in all their songs. (One song , 'Memories' sound like three different nice songs put together.) These melodies do not sound like a modern or remixed version of an oldie, it's fresh music . Not overrated migraine-inducing, loud dubstep filth that repeats the same paragraph throughout the song before breaking into something that sounds like an army of mosquitoes are having a party in your ear.

Back to Eisley..A lot of times, rather than sing words, they sort of.. chant (?) and it's like their trademark. (Take the beginning of  'Marvelous Things' for example, it was the first Eisley song I grew to love. Most, most, most IMPORTANTLY, they aren't famous over here and don't play on the radio , so my connection to this band is more personal. It would break my heart into a million tiny pieces if everyone suddenly had Eisley on their ipod and car radios.

What else, the lyrics to some songs can be very vague, which opens room for interpretation, which I like. Their voices sound like angels. When Stacy and Sherri harmonize, I die. :)

Like in this one.

0:33   = "I, don't believe in magic"

0:36 - 0:54  = Sorcery!!

They are also so pretty, all of them, which makes it more astounding. Maybe it is biasness kicking in..

Point of this post is to tell you that if I die before my time , the organizers of my funeral will have to pick an Eisley song. Think, 'Memories', 'Lost at sea', 'Ambulance' , (albeit ironic), yes..

If I get married, I would love 'Golly Sandra' at some part of the entire function. You guessed right, it's an Eisley song.

If I have a birthday party, any Eisley song would do .

If I am going to exercise, Eisley.

Just. Associate me with Eisley okay? 

Play the damn Eisley. :)

Friday, February 15, 2013

The social strategy.

I have been spending my recent days clicking on cute guys' facebook profiles.

Plot twist: None of them know I exist.

It's like, I click on one person, to discover that this person is in a photo with another attractive person, so I open that ones' profile, only to see that that person is in a photo with ANOTHER medium tanned, extremely cute geek-like persona who looks like he can be blown by a strong wind, (think indian Michael Cera; I have a soft spot for that) so yeah-- it goes like that..

They are not COMPLETELY random, I mean, they are friends of my existing friends, you see?

Anyway, in that process, I found someone who is a mixture of all the crushes I have ever had, with a new additional personal trait--catholic bigot. This person took pride in uploading a dozen pictures of his relatives' graves, and winning 1st in bible knowledge quizzes.. I have fairly decent bible knowledge for someone who barely reads the bible, and I am not an atheist, but seeing him parade it like that made me think that if we met, I was going to be in some pressure to be someone I am not , hence having a painfully awkward friendship...

Sigh, He would have been perfect crush material , otherwise...

*snaps out of imagination bubble*
I told my sister about all the hot people (the people I find attractive is really, an acquired taste) who I'm not already meeting and how I sucked myself into a chain of attractive people's profiles.. She just said; "Birds of a feather flock together."

It's like all the hot people of an area have this special league of their own and make pacts to be friends, deliberately. Social strategy, perhaps?

Eitherway, it is my dream to one day be accustomed with these people. While on this issue, let me clarify something, I don't have 'dating' plastered ANYWHERE in my mind at all at the moment, I mean, ew-- I just like looking at people I find hot and having crushes that fade after a week or so.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Judge cycle.

According to google : To judge is to form an opinion or conclusion about.

Seeing as I am an extremely opinionated individual, and these words are practically synonyms, I guess.. I am judgmental (?)

Judging other people who judge doesn't make you any less of a judge.

If we go by this google given definition, I'd say abiding by a stereotype is being judgmental. To assume something is being judgmental. Everyone on planet earth is going to have a thought about something , and that instantly serves as a judgement! (be it a positive one or a negative one)

You cannot prevent people from having opinions or be upset with them for having it ! That's like giving someone legs and telling them they cannot walk with it then being upset with them when they do.

A lot of times people want to know how someone else feels about something , but when they openly speak about how they feel about it, they get scorn for being 'judgmental'.

This is proof that people only choose to hear what they want to, and an unpopular opinion passes off as invalid. Which, if you think about it, in all its irony, is 'being judgmental'. 

Basically, you cannot escape the cycle !!

The trick is to not get affected by it. Get 'judged' for being insensitive but in the long term it is a favor to yourself.

Look at people's offensive judgements as bullets moving towards you with great velocity and you're dodging them every time you don't care. ..Took some practice, but now I am like Neo from 'The Matrix'.

 Actually, what is so treacherous about judgement? (..which is, if we're still sticking with the synonym-of-opinion sense of it ?)

What if something someone said about you were true? You cannot possibly be upset with them for knowing you? Are you too much of a coward to hear something bad about yourself ? And if it's not true, why should it bother you ? You and all the other people who value you know better than to fall apart over one person's questionable opinion.

Often people forget ; Not retaliating is not a sign of weakness, but maturity !

I guess people have a big issue with judgement because they define it differently..

Some people have an issue with the judgementals because this --> Being judgemental is saying someone is 'right' or 'wrong' according to their own moral code.

And lets face it, nobody likes to be belittled and told they are wrong. Which, again, comes down to the will of being unfazed by it.

I can feel myself being judged for this post.


Monday, February 11, 2013

On swearing.

Morph Chuck Norris and Ryan Reynolds?

Get James Van Der Beek?

It's come to my attention that I just, don't swear (?) At all! 

By choice.

Like, it isn't even difficult for me to refrain from doing it, because actually doing it would be as unnatural as a horse mating with a dog or something.

Unless you count the word "stupid" . (Which I don't) Now that is a word's usage of which I abuse, --with an indian accent, might I add. Not so much when I write, but when I speak .. it's almost like my catch phrase.

Not to say that I'd rather have a knife a few centimeters away from my eyeball before I am forced to spurt out something, and even then have to call it  'the eff word'..

I am not a fan of the term. As if using the term makes it any less... 'sinful',  if that's what the worry is; besides, wouldn't it seriously rob the impact the swear word would deliver ? Think about it.

"Eff you!"

I think 'Eff' makes a cute pet's middle name. Not an offensive comeback.

I read somewhere that swearing is only a cover up for a lack of a better word to describe how a person is feeling or trying to express themselves.

I'd actually fancy someone who can verbally 'topple' someone down without needing to swear , because their command of language is so powerful it speaks volumes. It's so much more intelligent and classeh.

Here's what I absolutely despise, tho-- when 'gay' is supposed to be an insult. The hate I have for someone who goes; 'Ugh, so gay', if bottled, (and could be transformed into heat energy) could boil an egg. Then, I'd take that egg and smash it on the person who said that.

..Nah I wouldn't. I'm too cowardly nice. (: 

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Damon Wayans Jr.

 HEWGE infatuation with Brad from Happy Endings.

When I first started watching, I was all for Max . Maturity is when you find BRAD the sex.  I don't even want to care if that made sense.

I absolutely adore his relationship with Jane on the show, it set the bar too damn high. Like I don't want to settle for anything less than a real-life Brad. This also marks the beginning of my fetish for dark skinned people. 

Look at this 44 second preview. How can anyone (be it from any other TV show to exist, or people from real life, in fact--) beat their superiority, as the power couple? It just kind of goes without saying.

This is not a betrayal of my fundamental attractions. My love for all things flamboyant has not left me. It's part of me. Which is why this will justify it.

And besides, who does not want a husband who broadway dances to the dentist ?

non important piece of information but somewhat relevant to the post: He totally looks like his dad , who was the star of  'My Wife and Kids'.

: D hehe.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Amelia and tattoos.

I think it's safe to say that I am not a tattoo person. I don't hate people who do it, I just would not do it to myself. I think, it's just too... permanent, and I am the kind of person who does something one moment and years later wish I had done it differently.

Like, I don't even have nail polish on because one moment I feel like having blue nails then just 10 minutes after it's dried, realize that my blue nails are so in contrast with my yellow dress or something. 

Plus, I just feel that it's tainting the purity of skin. Especially if it is a HUGE ASS one that covers a whole back . Or something extremely nonsensical, e.g; a humungous angry three headed dragon spitting fire onto a shiny sword that comes out of a knight's mouth.

It's a lot like making a statement, a rebellious act of youth. How do you think it's going to look when you're old and sagging? Would you still find it "cool" ?

Hollllddddd up. I think I'm speaking of just those large body covering images you see on stereotypical largely built bikers. There are certain exceptions I'd make when it comes to tattoos.

Like, I am a fan of quotes that mean something to the individual, and as long as it doesn't stretch too big. I like symbols too, because it's a tiny shape that can express a lot of things. The symbol of INFINITY for instance,  It could be about the will to survive. It could be about the pursuit of finding love. It could be about the ability to love. It could be about not giving up. I also like really tiny and thin armband/wristband tattoos. But again, it's risky because if I get it I'd have to see it every single day of my life. Then crave for change. Known fact: Tattoos don't change !

But if one day I got mad drunk and I did get one anyway, it would positively be an Eisley quote. Or a single word. (Unwind.)

Monday, February 4, 2013

You don't belong to me anymore.

You don't belong to me anymore.

Not in the sense that I don't own you anymore.
But rather; you don't correspond with me anymore.

And that's normal, right? People know, it happens, they don't think of it happening to them. (until it does). Perhaps because some people haven't come to terms with how embarrassingly much their reality would seem like something adapted from the first half a corny chick flick.

When it does happen eventually, however, it becomes scary to re-live the whole cycle; of meeting someone, have them be a huge part of your life, and have them feel distant and eventually leave.

 You don't belong to me anymore.

What makes it worst is when the cause of them leaving is self-inflicted. Then, for some reason, the most 'rational' thing to do about it is to build walls and not let yourself be attached to anyone ever again. Only problem with that is , it is creating more reasons for you to be unhappy with life, and you're probably pushing away the slight chances of existing happiness that might be trying to reach you. You become the cause of your sadness.

I personally think one of the worst things you could do to yourself is let someone have the privilege of breaking you. (Though coming from me, it's mildly hypocritical , lol!)

What I mean, is like, if someone says something without putting too much thought on filtering it to suit you, and it offends you,

You can CHOOSE to be affected by it, or brush it off. Of course, choosing to be offended by it will strain your relationship with that person and only make you upset while the other person is completely unaware and goes away unharmed in their happy, productive life. Point being, how much you want to sustain the relationship and make your life happy is your call.

So, reality check -- If you cannot take a joke about yourself and take offense in much more things than an average person does , you might as well be damned.
You don't belong to me anymore. 
So what ? Mope about it for a while. But it's important to be honest with yourself, meet new people and move on with your life ! 

Because sometimes I think only I can tell myself what I want to hear.