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Thursday, May 19, 2016

Chamelian.

A woman who's about to change her hair is about to change her life. And that's exactly what I did , exactly a year ago. I take a lot of pictures of myself, and that's no secret. It's not to brag. Who knows , one day I may not look like whoever I am any more. Pictures are a monument of my youth, my experiences, and of course, my mistakes.


What the heck, for the sake of a throwback, I'd love to look at what I did to myself. No regrets. Only experiences. 

20.5.15

10.2014

..and this is one of my fav collages.



People make this mistake of thinking they know me.

Don't confuse being my friend with knowing me, they can be two very different concepts entirely. I'm a chameleon. Or should I say, chamelian. Some people use make up, some people cut their hair up and constantly experiment with different styles. Same difference, haha :D

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Truth's hard to swallow.

Have you ever seen or read something which sends a chill down your spine, makes your heart feel like it's sinking, and as if there's a lump down your throat which you can't swallow?

I must promise myself to minimize the amount of things which can do that to me. I guess maybe this time it was because I cared? Caring about something will be the death of me. Every time I do, it disappoints me.

But for how long can someone maintain the nonchalance ? They end up like some bitter Disney villain, like  Cruella De Ville or something. 

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Milk chocolate with fruits and nuts?

Once upon a time there was a girl who always had milk chocolate. It wasn't much, but it was perfect for her, in all its simplicity. One day, she woke up to find that her very own milk chocolate had some raisins in them, --the one she knew and recognized was no longer going to be produced.

She hated raisins, but she managed to live with it, picking out the raisins when she got to that part. She still believed that most of it was the milk chocolate she loved anyway. Months passed, and they started adding nuts to the chocolate, promoting it as 'newer' and 'better' . Then came the fruits. Then came the crunchy pieces. The gummy pieces.

It was not like she hated the chocolate after. It was just not the one she loved. There was nothing she could do to bring the simple milk chocolate she loved back. Everyone seems to enjoy the 'enhanced' version of it more. They tell her to move with times. So she did.

Since then she's had a taste of other brands of milk chocolate. They were distinct and different flavours, --as delicious as it gets, but it still was not the one she first knew and liked. It begs the question,

Was the milk chocolate always meant to be fruity, nutty and gummy, and the plain one just to test the waters, or was the plain one how it was always meant to be but along the way fruits and nuts were added to it as an experiment ?

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Why I am so hard on myself.

I will not make it sweet on the ears. I will tell it as it is. And the truth is that I have always had (and still have) to grow up ahead of my time and age.

I am not allowed the luxury of stupid jokes and childish games , and if I do have those, talking about it at home just made the age gap stick out like a sore thumb because who else can relate.

I'm not allowed to suck on general knowledge , because in a room full of people who are good at a diverse range of things, the common ground of 'assessing' intelligence is general knowledge . So it doesn't matter if I haven't even heard of this country, I can't say I don't know where it is on the map. It doesn't matter if I hate politics, I have to know stuff about it because ignorance about issues like that is stupid by default.

I am not allowed the luxury of screwing up. Always have to get things right the first time. Not just right, but fantastic enough to get me recognition and scholarships. It's the only way I know. Because I cannot afford resits (in every sense of the word). It's either make it the first time or don't get to continue it. --I cannot deal with finishing something only halfway. Also when people are so used to you doing it right the first time, it takes more to seem like it's good. You don't get content with good. It must be significantly better than average.

I don't think I allow myself to be average because it is either the success, confidence or idiosyncrasies which lure people to socialize with me. So, what happens when they find that I fall short of their expectations? they leave. And it can be a very damaging experience personally when someone walks into my life, tears down the wall, memorizes my maze--(all the trapdoors and secret exits), then exit .

I was not one of those who had much family trips to places or vacations or even photographs because everyone had their fun by the time I came. Things like that moved from being fun to being a hassle , something to complain about, a dreadful experience. (So far, no money, petrol, stop for toilet, vomit, camera spoiled) and all this just makes me hungry to ensure history does not repeat.

I am assertive and given what I want if I truly deserve it. And most of the time, I work till I deserve it.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

I don't have to MAKE anyone feel inferior or like an idiot by virtue of anything said or done.

They already do a fantastic job all by themselves. Makes it easier when I step in to enhance their natural God-given abilities.

;)
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How can I , or anyone really, take blame for the negative way someone perceives another? It's true, some people may say persuasive things. But the beautiful thing about the human mind is autonomy. The ability to take in the information then discern for themselves how reliable it is, and choose whether to believe it.

So if someone has a bad opinion of you, is it solely because someone influenced them to think so, or you yourself have given them a reason to believe the 'slander'? Adults are not robots you can program stuff into and they will take it in without questioning. If you show them a reason to believe the statements are true, then it cannot be another person's fault.