The softness of her lips and the musk of her perfume was starting to slowly crumble away like a long-term memory just about to leave the cerebral cortex permanently. In the background, she hears the sound of her bedroom door open, and a question being directed to her if she were going to wake up and start living what would be a whole day ahead. After all, off-days are virtually impossible to come by. Half of her was still in this space, whatever it was, in the depths of her subconscious, tangled in between a sea of comforters, being held the way only a passionate lover would and feeling a sense of peace unmatched by any real experience she’s ever had. Beside her, there is the woman she’s loved almost hopelessly, most of her adult life, against all reason and logic, waiting to see if she would stay or go.
Another half
of her managed to nod an answer out at reality, to indicate that she would awake
soon. She heard her bedroom door close. Her eyelids slowly peeled apart. It was
just another day. Except this time, she
was waking up from a nearly 15-hour slumber. She thought about how the most beautiful
experiences she’s felt lately took place in the form of dreams. She drew a parallel
to a drug-addicts who desire to be in a constant state of high because their
realities have become unbearable. Even so, she made a choice. Reality won
today.
Age and
experience created an understanding that her that that the body and mind, this
vessel our very soul lives in was never meant to be the enemy, and it’s in fact,
doing everything it can to keep you moving, breathing, living. It’s resilient,
and chooses LIFE, always. The proof is in ourselves. It’s in how our brain
chemicals are positively altered when we exercise and oil our machine. It’s in our
legs that would go on to take us millions of steps in a single lifetime, our
skin which glows for us when fed right, our stretchmarks that act as a
testament to how we have been fed well, and of course the very process of homeostasis.
We bounce back from food poisoning. We bounce back from viruses and fevers. We even
bounce back from some of our bones fracturing. Our body doesn’t voluntarily give
up on us, not by choice, no.
When we expect
a bio-engineering feat, millions of years in the making, (i.e our very
existence) to conform to our desired pace and present knowledge/experience of
the world disregarding what the BODY wants or subconsciously knows is best for
itself, we pay the price of it. For a brief moment, she wondered, why,
out of all the movies that the brain could have put on queue in the after-hours,
it chose heartbreak.
Then it hit
her. Everything is really, a message. There’s an unmet need. There’s a
suppressed emotion, or rather, a ‘pain that demands to be felt’, to quote John
Green.
________
We could have all the ideations of what we
want our life to be like, but the universe may have other plans. That is why we
all do not get to end up with the people we love. We do not have the benefit of
foresight to see what bullets we should be dodging. We do not see what people really
think about us or want for us. But the universe does.
...And you better be damn sure that
it’s looking out for you.