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Saturday, November 7, 2015

Voluntary assumption of stress and personal growth

It's 2.14 am, and I'm typing this from the surface RT in my sister's new place. I came here because the internet at home was not functional, and I was hoping that by being here at least I might have gotten some assignment research done. But I ended up collapsing on the bed for the past hour or so.

The events which took place lately have been nothing short of exhausting and draining. To some extent it's what I have always wanted--to be so busy and occupied with life that my mind does not have to wander to any individual it can miss today. On the other hand, there is a side which knows I am overworking myself by trying to balance a part time job where I am on-call (this sometimes means a 4 hour shift of smiling at people after a 9-4 class sesh), year 2 of a bloody LAW degree, budding stages of trying to vlog, gyming, studying outside lectures to try and grasp the subject, four major assignments, trying to make my family happy, trying to plan new experiences like wall climbing, making time for friends and ultimately a social life, joining college clubs to learn like Model United Nations, balancing my finances, questioning my career choice, keeping as many people in my life happy, working on my self esteem--(which a lot of people must assume I have no problems with ) and forgiving myself for my past mistakes.

And some people say just the fact that they are doing a degree is exhausting.

But I hardly see this as complaining. I voluntarily assumed the stress and risks associated with these commitments. I took away a lot of stories and experiences from them. In a way, it is helping me grow. The most important of all these lessons would be that everybody is fighting a battle we know nothing about--so it's best that we do our part as decent human beings and be kind. Every little smile means something. Gratitude would be the second most important lesson. I learned to appreciate the simple fact of being able to breathe with no difficulties when I was getting intolerable amount of panic attacks.

God has a plan for me. That's what I believe. This is just a practice run. (Y)