Since coming back home, issues have just snowballed into a larger mess and now I don't know how to begin to scoop the mess away .
The term 'fresh' graduate seems like an oxymoron now, because in all honesty, I saw graduation as some pearly white gate into a better place where I would be treated differently, Jobs would not be so difficult to get or ease into, I'd involve myself in more intellectual conversations, meet fresh faces, have time to go out to bars, date, and to personalise my space with posters, quotes, pictures and tapestries.
I slowly learned that happiness and freedom is an illusion because it exists within the boundaries of
1. Whose roof you're under ,
2. The societal norms of how to behave and dress--being 22 and still so colourful is, in short, not the norm , to get excited over things is lame,
3. Transportation limitations.
4. Your friends' timing , and just because you're free it doesn't mean that your friends would be
5. How comfortable you are with your own company, and if you're anything like me then there's only so many ideas and conversations you can have with yourself in your head before you feel like you need other people to interact with.
6. How sensitive the people around you are to you, whether they even notice if you're falling apart.
7. Your resources. Whether you have the cash to escape the feeling of being weighed down by everything.
8. Whether you had a taste of better. (It's honestly impossible to go back. It does not mean you're ungrateful or you're being fussy . It means your eyes are opened to how much better your life can be if you tweak certain things about your environment.)
I still have not learnt to say 'fuck it ' and not feel anything. Life would be a lot easier for me if I knew how.
The term 'fresh' graduate seems like an oxymoron now, because in all honesty, I saw graduation as some pearly white gate into a better place where I would be treated differently, Jobs would not be so difficult to get or ease into, I'd involve myself in more intellectual conversations, meet fresh faces, have time to go out to bars, date, and to personalise my space with posters, quotes, pictures and tapestries.
I slowly learned that happiness and freedom is an illusion because it exists within the boundaries of
1. Whose roof you're under ,
2. The societal norms of how to behave and dress--being 22 and still so colourful is, in short, not the norm , to get excited over things is lame,
3. Transportation limitations.
4. Your friends' timing , and just because you're free it doesn't mean that your friends would be
5. How comfortable you are with your own company, and if you're anything like me then there's only so many ideas and conversations you can have with yourself in your head before you feel like you need other people to interact with.
6. How sensitive the people around you are to you, whether they even notice if you're falling apart.
7. Your resources. Whether you have the cash to escape the feeling of being weighed down by everything.
8. Whether you had a taste of better. (It's honestly impossible to go back. It does not mean you're ungrateful or you're being fussy . It means your eyes are opened to how much better your life can be if you tweak certain things about your environment.)
I still have not learnt to say 'fuck it ' and not feel anything. Life would be a lot easier for me if I knew how.