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Saturday, July 23, 2016

To understand or not to understand , that is the question.

As I get older, the goals I strive for become further and further away from what my youthful self would have envisioned.

I'm definitely not the same person I was. And thank god for that, because who wants to be the same person forever, right? That's what growing up is about .

Young me would have never seen herself as a complex creature , unable to be understood by a lay man. All I crave for at this point of time is a little simplicity in life , while retaining this exterior of unpredictability in terms of appearance and thoughts . It seems like these two are difficult to reconcile . But looking at that picture of myself , I'm reminded that underneath all the mental health issues and unpredictability , there is really a simple person waiting to be understood.

Yet at the same time she wonders, would being understood make her happy or otherwise? Sure, it would feel nice for some days, but soon after , it opens her to vulnerability -- when someone knows the trigger buttons and the secret passages. Which in the long run, makes her an unhappy person .

Unrelated note: There are daughters who steal their mother's make up and clothes to play dress up. Then there are daughters who steal their fathers shirts. *shifty eyes*

There might be two people living inside of me , and one is an overconfident man.