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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Letting go.

Life is about PROGRESSING, right?
Letting go of things (eg; the past) that tie you down?

Unfortunately, I am the kind of person who's too absorbed with the past for my own good. Memories are more important to me than life itself.

 I live everyday thinking of how good that other day was. How much I can make this day like that day. Constantly re-visiting the good times of yore, and fretting the outcomes of decisions I've made in the past-- oblivious to the fact that the present is a gift, given to me to progress from all of that.

For ages, I kept it engraved within the depths of my conscience, that 2009 was the best year of my life. I meditated on all the events that made it such.

"2009 was great. 2009 was growth. 2009 was love. Nothing can ever beat 2009."

I'd just succumb to the idea, even up until last week, maybe..


But now,
I am starting to question the idea. Because, over time, I am losing track of the events that justify it. Like, I just have the main concept intact but I don't even know WHY it is such anymore. What was so great about 09', anyway ? 2012 was pretty great for my life, why is it any less important than 2009? Why can't I start making 2013 my 'best' year ?

When I am living in a particular year, I hate it-- but after it has passed, the following year I realise how many great things from the previous year I can never get back and how the current one is a big deterioration.

It is a relevant cliche, 'you don't know what you got till it's gone'.


*****

What I want to change about this year, (much like what I wanted to change about any other year in the past four years) is to actually LIVE. Not through photographs, or mediocre events which I try to make much of a bigger deal than it actually is.. Really be involved in conversations, not think about writing the event in my journal while it's happening.

I want to teach myself that it is okay if I let a few things slip away from my memory. Caging my memories wont enable me to actually time travel and re-live them. I need to let go. It is going to be mad difficult, but I want to try.

To do that, I need to start creating new memories that make the old ones seem insignificant in comparison.  March is going to be an overture, I hope.